Reinvention Ascension #53

My old journals tell me everything I need to know. Sure, birthdays should be a time of reflection, but my birthday journal entries of the past remind me of that movie trope when the boss pokes her head into some unwitting employee’s cubicle with “Can I talk to you for a second?” and your gut just knows this person’s in trouble. The conversation may even start off with a positive, but the very next sentence is, “And while I have you…”, then all of the disappointment and nine ways to Sunday they have fucked up is unleashed in one excruciating exhale. They are heartbreaking, these historic birthday reflections, truly.

I’d love to say this exercise did a 180 in the trip around the Sun that followed quitting drinking in 2014, but the change in my stance was very gradual. (Is that called, ‘learning to love yourself’?) It makes sense really, birthday rumination was a reflection of my mental state. Optimism favors the healthy. The change could also attest to simply getting older with gratitude, gratitude that gets punctuated more and more every year with loss. Either way, it changed.

Presently, Change is on the birthday marquis. Instead of dwelling on regret of all the things I didn’t accomplish over the previous year, my lens has shifted to opportunity. What is no longer working? What can I do differently? Add? Eliminate? Birthday number 53’s energetic flow surprisingly guided me straight to my closet. How do I dress myself at 53? I’m actually not interested in what is ‘appropriate’ (that’s a boring conversation). As an aside, I have never felt healthier and more at ease in my body than I do right now and honestly, you could knock me over with a feather at that marvel. Who would have thought? Certainly not me. I assumed that every year after 49 I’d feel the acute effects of deterioration and that’s just how the cards are stacked. Life is full of surprises, isn’t it?

Personal style may seem like a frivolous and indulgent endeavor, given the circumstances. It is, I wouldn’t argue with that. But if I didn’t have date with my creative muse lined up on my dance card every single day, I’d never get out of bed. So I guess it’s the pursuit of joy as a means of survival.

So just to catch you up on what my action has looked like as of late, I cleaned out my closet and have even started listing some resale of vintage and finer pieces in my Marketplace. That’s going to be a Summer regular if you want to browse.

I picked up a mystery bag at a garage sale that was full of the most delightful surprises, including THREE bias cut and lace silk nightgowns from the 40s that made me literally cry for their beautiful resilience. I mean, how many wars have they endured? And they’ve dared to remain beautiful in spite of it all. Isn’t that amazing? I made a little video that I posted on Instagram if you want to see how I’m altering them a bit so I can honor them by wearing them.

I also bought a hat and it urgently needs its own feature. I’ll have to get on that.

So tell me, do birthdays make you want to change things? Subtly or a total takedown reinvention? What has struck you with awe lately? This is the cycle of news I’m hungry for, with love.