Take me down to the Neutral City.

On the weekends, my husband and I like to go for long walks and end up at the gym for a little weight training. Most days, I have on a mask, earbuds and glasses and usually engrossed in a podcast, I feel like I have on a cloak of invisibility. So when a young woman (late 20s if I had to guess) approached me this past Saturday, I’m pretty sure she was waving for a good 15 seconds before I realized my cloak wasn’t actually effective and she was trying to speak to me.

“You look really good,” she said through a wide grin. And when I didn’t respond, she said it again. I finally found my words, “Oh my gosh, thank you!”

I’ll admit, that gave me a little swoosh of energy to finish my workout. When my husband and I were walking home, I told him about it. But then, that was it. I didn’t think about the exchange again. It just entered Neutral City.

Until yesterday in the shower, that is, where all of my deep thinking takes place and it hit me, “Oh, she meant, ‘…for my age.’ She didn’t finish her sentence. She meant, ‘I look good…for my age.’”

And then I just stood under the water and relished in my own growth for a moment and here’s why: if she had said that to me when I was 40, I would have immediately picked up on what she didn’t say and I would have taken it as a slight. You know, one of those underhanded compliments that comes with an (often unsaid) disclaimer that leaves you not really knowing how to feel like, “You have such a pretty face!” (Unsaid: “As for the rest of your body, it could use a little attention.”) Yes, I received the compliment, but mostly I just felt neutral about it. Can I get a high-five, because that is some serious detachment from the need for external validation RIGHT THERE!

And it’s true! I deliriously DON’T CARE! I don’t care what you think about my body. I don’t care if you think I dress inappropriately for my age. I don’t care if you dislike my cellulite. I don’t care if you resent how I show up, if you think I’m too loud or aggressive or talk too much or have too many ideas. I DON’T CARE. And I’ll tell you what I DO care about: I care about what YOU think about YOU. And I can’t tell you if this shift happens on a timeline but I am pretty sure that for me, it’s been the combination of this decade (50) and the work I’ve done in recovery.

And THIS is what excites me about my membership community, The Midlife Solution. Nothing thrills me more than experiencing women extending their freedom to stretch and grow in any way they damn well please and to have a place to be witnessed and supported and high-fived by other women who are doing it too. That kind of energy creates a contagion of reciprocity, like the idea that “a rising tide raises all boats”. There’s enough going on in the world and it’s hard not to spiral in despair or resignation, at the least. I want The Midlife Solution to be a web of relief, not only because creativity and community matter, but besides nature and family, they are the only sane tethering in an insane world.

I don’t need you to tell me I’m right about that. I just hope you’ll come see for yourself.