20 year old Sondra would be so annoyed with me rn.

My kitty also enjoying the pace.

I worked as a waitress and bartender from age 18 through most of my 30s, even returning for a brief stint in my early 40s. We may be born slow and methodical, but restaurant servers have to adapt to a quick pace or they’re dead on the floor.

I’m now 53.5 and while it’s been a gradual dawning, I can no longer work at bartender pace. I’ll modify that: I CAN but only if my internal dialogue is that of a swim coach, counting down the seconds with a timer in my hand (that’s what swim coaches do, right?). I CAN do it, it’s just no longer my natural rhythm.

Please don’t think I’m in full acceptance of this. I own another voice that wants to berate me for not moving faster. She can’t help it. She’s been seduced by productivity books and capitalism and social media compare/despair. She says things like, “If you only moved faster, you’d have more with which to dazzle potential customers, more money in your bank, people work circles around you, here’s the proof: [insert any ol’ maker or artist here].”

But I’m surrendering. Working at that fiery pace is just no longer what my body wants to do. It wants to touch, savor, absorb, plod. And by virtue of this surrender, I’m finding it’s easier now to say no to things that I used to say yes to because I could do them well and fast, like alterations, but I’ve never loved doing them. Now that I’ve priced myself out of that business (sure, I can hem your pants but it will cost you $50), I have more energy for things worthy of my new pace. The work is now to not only accept this, but revere it.

This idea of pace is really rolled into a broader shift happening to me right now. I want to make art this year, which will require this energy. I am humbly its student. If you are observant, you will begin to notice some shifts around here and on my website. Just as I’m typing this, the other one is attempting to key up, “It’s already Jan 31 and you should have had this done…” and yes, I’m sorry, but I did just shush her. This shift is requiring new artwork and copy and handmade garments and photos and all of this will take time, sweet, delicious time. In fact, a big element of this creative project is a return to my analog roots, so it’s all one big exercise in delayed gratification. GenX, we used to be this, right?